Be it ever So Humble, etcetera etcetera

Those of you who know me (which probably accounts for all of you as I can't imagine a world where a stranger would just happen upon my website and then, after having their sensibilities rubbed good and raw, continue to suckle at my virtual information cyber-teat - Jesus, not sure where that image came from-) do not know me as a huge environmentalist. I'm not necessarily someone who approves of dumping raw sewage into a water supply; but at the same time I don't stop to pick up every bubble gum wrapper littering the sidewalk. My views and philosophies on "Saving the Earth" are really a topic for another post. My point is that this is not about saving wildlife. Neither is the current clusterfuck which has Detroit citizens and refugees alike, in uproar.

DeToilet Detroit has this zoo see, and in this zoo are kept many animals, or so I'm told. Animals that poop. I guess zoos take a lot of money to keep open, feed all the animals and shovel the vast amounts of poop a place like that must produce. Apparently the figure needed to shovel shit, feed animals, etc. is gargantuan. Further, it is, again apparently (or perhaps to be expected), that the city that claims ownership of said zoo to provide said monies for shoveling of said poop. Well, that all becomes quite bothersome when the guy in charge of the finances uses the cities shit shoveling money for hookers, trips for family, and outrageously unnecessary vehicles. But this post isn't about politicians who commit the botch-job of the new century but still manage to get reelected.

So here's the situation as it stands now, Detroit has a zoo (hereafter referred to as ZOO), the city can no longer cover its portion of the bill for ZOO. The local zoological society, along with the state government, has offered to take over the management and governance of ZOO from the city. The city council said, more or less, "No." To which they also added:

[I cannot state emphatically enough that I am not making this up; my propensity toward tasteless sarcasm predisposes me to certain kinds of wild and fictional humor that many find repugnant, this is not one of those times.]

"The symbolism is that Detroit is a black city and that we’re unable to govern ourselves. So we need an overseer, the state legislature, or what have you, to step in and tell us what we must do and how to do it." [Detroit City Council(wo)man, Barbara-Rose Collins]

And also:

[...] we’re not a plantation; blacks aren’t owned by white folks anymore."

I'm gonna post that one again just so you can make sure you read it right.

[...] we’re not a plantation; blacks aren’t owned by white folks anymore."

I swear I didn't make that up. I know you think I did but I didn't. You have to believe me on this one. Fine. You want proof? Here's proof.

So the only possible recourse is to shut ZOO down, eliminating some 200 more jobs in an area whose unemployment rate is already roughly "all of them per cent," and leaving some 3000 animals with no place to poop.

Ok, now I'm not a zoolocist, nor am I possessed of great business acumen; hell I'm not even that nice of a person. But, am I the only one who senses disconnect in the stated problem, the proposed solution, and the mentally stunted response? Let me clarify with a bogus metaphor, or an allegory. I can never keep those straight.

Johnny Fishhands: Help! I have fish for hands!
Merlin the Wizard: Oh hey, wow dude, your hands...
Johnny: I know it sucks! Is there anything you can do about it?
Merlin: Well, I just perfected this Morimer's Transmogrify Fish Hands to Real Hands spell. I could give that a shot and then you'd have real hands.
Johnny: Look man, if you're just going to stand there and make fun of me, I'll just cut my fish hands off... then, then I'll eat them. You'll rue the day you ever went ag'in Johnny Fish/Nohands.
Merlin: (Were he actually Dr. Jackhole in disguise) Look asshole, I was trying to do you a favor, you've obviously screwed the pooch here and I was offering you a life line. If you'd rather just shut the damn thing down then by all means, live your shitty life with your shitty self in your shitty city. Hands, I mean hands, your shitty fish hands. (That sounds like a breakfast cereal: "Shitty Fish Hands taste great and are a balanced part of your complete breakfast.)

Did that clear things up? Great. Now it's time for the moral:

People are stupid. All people. Stupid.

The End