Opposite Day

Somedays this feels more like a repository for dumb internet videos than a fo' sho' blog but I can live with that. Everyone knows that retarded videos are the cold fusion that drives the internets. So here's this groovy site with videos gigawatts aplenty. I could try to explain it but it's actually much funnier if you don't see the punchline coming. We must bow our heads to Pork, who unconvered this treasure.







Jackhole Pick O' The Litter

Packed With Fiber

I started a new diet this week. If all goes well I'm going to put all my ideas into a book and sell it for ridiculous amounts of money to all the fat fucks out there that need a leg up on not being a fat fuck. I am calling it the, "Don't Eat So Goddamn Much Initiative." It is related, philosophically, to the "Put the Fucking Twinkie Down" diet. It came to me the other day in a fast food joint which remain nameless. I had ordered some manner of 'combo' meal. While waiting on the food people to finish my fries, a guy came up behind me and they took his order. The man was older than me, he was taller than me, and very likely outweighed. Then something weird happened. He ordered a small chili and a diet soda. That was all. It all came crashing down on me at once. The gravity of just how much we overeat because resturants make us think we need 2 cheeseburgers, a rowboat of fries, and a bucket of tasty beverage. So I figured even if I don't always eat things that are spectacularly good for me, I can ease the damage by eating less of it at least. I'll let you know how the "diet" goes.

Observations:

We have company coming over, and as Zero Hour nears all three of the cats have gone and taken extra smelly dumps in the litter box. They're just doing their part to make everyone feel welcome.

The Three Mothers

As "The Italian Job" taught us all, there are three 'mothers' you should never mess with (in no specific order): Mother Nature, Motherfucking Ukranians, and Mothers-in-law. The in-laws are coming over for dinner tommorrow night. We're busy buying the few last minute things for dinner and picking up the place (it had undergone a more strenous doucheing last weekend). All that's left is for me to make sure there's a stack of gay porn in the bathroom and the KY is strategically placed between the salt and pepper shakers.

Well, where do you keep it!?

Eating Is Hard To Do,

when half your fucking face is numb. Fucking dentist.

I suspect that when the bubble-gum flavored anesthesia* wears off. I'll be in horrible horrible pain because I've spent the last hour masticating the inside of my cheek in a way that is probably best described as zealous.

* - it should be noted that "Bubble Gum Flavored Anesthesia" will be the title of my fourth album.

Cereal Killa

Every so often my lovely bride and I endeavor to purchase breakfast food even though only on half of our union is awake during breakfast hours. Usually the breakfast food of choice is some manner of cold cereal. A lot of nutrtion can be packed into a bowl of various nuts, grains, and Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs™. Generally we opt for cereals of "Pebble" persuasion. While this is healthy in theory, in practice it is not so. The major failing is our propensity to aquire breakfast that tastes like cake. I will speak only for myself on this matter but I can assure you I am powerless, unmanned even, in the face of overwhelming deliciousity.

The long and the short of it is this: yesterday two boxes of our favorite Pebbly breakfast staple were aquired and by 11pm, one them was gone. By 'gone', I do not mean it slipped out an open door as I was taking out the trash. More like we declared Sunday evening to be celebrated as "Inhale Several Helpings of Cartoon Character Endorsed Food In Lieu of a Proper Dinner Day." Is it really so strange that we ended up together?

Also, this has incarcerated my mind. Thanks, again, to the aforementioned lovely bride.


-Kroy has gone offline

Bork Bork Bork

I have a new favorite show. It is called Robot Chicken. This should not be too surprising as a lot of the people who work on Family Guy also work on Robot Chicken. This is why is it my new favorite show:


and also this:


and of course:

Handle With Care

The following video clip is toxically adorable. Seriously, this is so cute it might just kill you. Please click responsibly.